50 Funny But True Resume Mistakes You Want to Avoid.

In your job-search, it’s easy to buy into your own delusion that a “funky” resume filled with supposed work-jokes will stand you out from the pack and get you the job faster, or that employers are too busy to notice those tiny errors scattered all over your resume. These 50 resume bloopers are a fraction of what employers find in applicants’ resumes; from typographical errors to downright stupid statements. Perhaps you’ll find a reason to proofread your resume properly before forwarding it to any employer.

50. Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”

49. Objective: “So one of the main things for me is, as the movie ‘Jerry McGuire’ puts it, ‘Show me the money!’”

48. Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

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47. Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”

46. Salary desired: “Starting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job.”

45. Objective: “What I’m looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money.”

44. Experience: “I was brought in as a turnaround consultant to help turn the company around.”

43. Objective: “I am anxious to use my exiting skills.”

42. Experience: “My father is a computer programmer, so I have 15 years of computer experience.”

41. “Directed $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations.”

40. Hobbies: “Mushroom hunting.”

39. Objective: “To hopefully associate with a millionaire one day.”

38. “Revolved customer problems and inquiries.”

37. “Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.”

36. Applicant submitted nine-page cover letter accompanied by a four-page résumé.

35. A resume was printed on the back of the person’s current employer’s letterhead.

34. A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com

33. Candidate explained a gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for three months.

32. One applicant tried to make an impression by using four different fonts, three ink colors and a variety of highlighting options on her résumé

31. Cleaning skills: “bleaching, pot washing, window cleaning, mopping, e.t.c”

30. “I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”

29. “I belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…”

28. Hobbies: “Drugs and girls”

27. ”Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”

26. “Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail”

25. “Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.

24. “Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”

23. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

22. Interests: “Gossiping.”

21. Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”

20. Reason for leaving: “I thought the world was coming to an end.”

19. Qualifications: “I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.”

18. Skills: “Written communication = 3 years; verbal communication = 5 years.”

17. Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”

16. Objective: “To become Overlord of the Galaxy!”

15. Resume: “Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.”

14. Languages: “Fluent in English. Also I have been heard muttering Gibberish in my sleep.”

13. “Sex: occassionally”.

12. Experience: “Have not yet been abducted by aliens.”

11. Candidate wrote résumé as a play – Act 1, Act 2, etc.

10. Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)”.

9. Under “job related skills” – for a web designer – “can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet”.

8. One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.

7. “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

6. References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”

5. “2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people”

4. Objective: “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.”

3. Objective: “Student today. Vice president tomarrow.”

2. Objective: “My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can’t do that, I’ll settle on being an accountant.”

1. “I am great with the pubic.

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Website Comments

  1. Jamilu Magaji
    Reply

    LMAO this is quite hilarious indeed. Perhaps their one-year national youth service was not rendered diligently as they might have missed the opportunity to learn all sort of those conspicuous and pathological mistakes. I am most thankful to God Almighty for pursing a Career Development Training which made me an icon and a CV editor/reviewer amongst my peers while I was a youth corper.

    • akinta
      Reply

      @jamilu you arren’t been fair with your observation after other’s comment,cos u said thank God 4given u opportunity during your national service,then what were u also doing during your 4yrs or 5years at school

  2. AbdulFatah
    Reply

    some of those statments shouldn’t be made by secondary school students, not to say of “Graduates”… so funny!

  3. Queen
    Reply

    If u guys (who think u re so smart… which is funny by d way) take a closer look… U will find dat most of d vocabulary inherent in these mistakes isnt from d Nigerian populace… These re mistakes made by d pple frm our so called developd western world.. Not (all) by Nigerian graduates..

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